Addiction

I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I can’t go without. Everyone’s addicted to something in some shape or form. Coffee immediately comes to my mind. Oh I do love coffee! I’m a purist. Coffee should taste like coffee not sugar or cream or some kind of artificial flavouring. If I want pumpkin spice, I’ll have a piece of pie! Dark roast, organic, fair trade, black, natural …. mmmmmmm. That’s heaven! A hot cup of coffee brings me joy. I have one cup every morning now. I used to drink a whole pot. But as I try to get more rest and have better sleeps, I drink a lot more herbal tea now.

One cup is enough to satisfy my addiction. In fact, I don’t even know if it is an addiction anymore. I can go without. I have gone without in the past when I’ve done dietary cleanses or just decided I needed a break. It’s a pleasure, but not a guilty pleasure. There doesn’t seem to be any evidence that a single cup of coffee every day is harmful to my health … and there even seems to be some evidence that it might be beneficial. So why go without? Coffee is an addiction I can feel good about.

Sunrise is another addiction I feel good about having. I am addicted to watching the sunrise. I love mornings! And this shocks me because for the first three quarters of my life I was an absolute night owl. I lived in the night, frequently seeing the sunrise as an indication it was time to go to bed. That changed when I first moved into an apartment with big eastward facing windows and an unobstructed river view. The sunrises were so incredible! I wanted to see them every day, not just the occasional day when I pulled an all-night work session. I changed my internal clock and became a morning person. Now, 8 a.m. is oversleeping, any time after midnight is staying up super later. I turned my internal clock upside down to feed my sunrise addiction. There are definitely worse things.

Which brings me to red wine. I love it. Period. Like coffee, I prefer bold robust full bodied flavours … a malbec instead of a pinot noir. I suppose there’s some question among my family and friends as to whether I am an alcoholic. I don’t think I am … but maybe I’m fooling myself. I know sometimes I go through periods when I drink too much. I admit I have an issue with emotional eating. I will eat to numb pain, induce emotional coma. I used to completely starve myself to achieve the same result. What’s worse? Eating? Not eating? Yes, I know! I’m still working all that out. But I’m off in the weeds, the point is I like wine paired with food. I really don’t like more than a glass without having some food. I don’t really like getting drunk. And often I will eat a certain food or drink a certain wine just because of the way it pairs. I love the way it tastes! If I could find a non-alcoholic red wine that actually tasted good I would be their best customer, but I haven’t discovered one despite trying more than a few.

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic because I have had almost a full bottle of absenthe in my house for almost a year. I have had a single bottle of brandy on the go since last winter. I buy one or two cases of beer a year, because they last all summer. I have given up wine, like coffee, for weeks at a time during a cleanse or detox. But I love it … and sometimes I drink too much. During the first months of this pandemic I was drinking too much. But I don’t think I was alone. And now, heading into fall, I’m starting to adjust to this reality and the drinking (and eating) is slowing down. I’m getting a handle on things.

And this brings me to why I’ve been thinking about things I can’t go without. I’ve decided to buy a pre-fab house and move closer to my parents and sisters. As I’m looking at plans and deciding what I want and what I can reasonably afford I’m supposed to make a list of my must-haves, the things I will not sacrifice, the things I’m prepared to fight to keep. And what I’ve discovered is that with regards to the house itself, there are no must-haves, it’s all desires and wishes, I’m prepared to sacrifice any part of it that I need to in order to make the whole thing happen. The one thing I cannot live without is my family. As long as I am there, living amongst my family, seeing them regularly, being able to spend time with them every day of the week … that’s my only must-have. Family is my strongest addiction.

Mood: contemplative
Drinking: coffee! of course!
Listening To: 72 Hours, true crime TV show
Hair: messed, greying, short still but getting fluffy

3 thoughts on “Addiction

Add yours

  1. Hi! This article is another winner, touching me in (most of) the right elements! I, too, adore morning coffee. I look forward to it and sometimes dream of it. But I indulge myself to the tune of 2 cups–mugs–a day. And while I’m travelling home from a Miramichi visit, I may have a third one in the rare evening. And then there’s wine. While I enjoy malbec, shiraz, and sauvignon blanc, it’s pinot noirs that have captured my heart. Which brings me to homes. After almost 40 years of home owning, I am pleased and relieved to be shed (see what I did there?) of the responsibility of home ownership. So pleased you’re on the doorstep (see what I did again??) To that particular adventure; good for you! Again, great posting. Chuck

    On Tue., Sep. 8, 2020, 6:48 a.m. A work in progress, wrote:

    > Kellie posted: ” I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I can’t go > without. Everyone’s addicted to something in some shape or form. Coffee > immediately comes to my mind. Oh I do love coffee! I’m a purist. Coffee > should taste like coffee not sugar or cream or some kind ” >

    Like

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