Sunrise is another addiction I feel good about having. I am addicted to watching the sunrise. I love mornings! And this shocks me because for the first three quarters of my life I was an absolute night owl. I lived in the night, frequently seeing the sunrise as an indication it was time to go to bed. That changed when I first moved into an apartment with big eastward facing windows and an unobstructed river view. The sunrises were so incredible! I wanted to see them every day, not just the occasional day when I pulled an all-night work session. I changed my internal clock and became a morning person. Now, 8 a.m. is oversleeping, any time after midnight is staying up super later. I turned my internal clock upside down to feed my sunrise addiction. There are definitely worse things.
Which brings me to red wine. I love it. Period. Like coffee, I prefer bold robust full bodied flavours … a malbec instead of a pinot noir. I suppose there’s some question among my family and friends as to whether I am an alcoholic. I don’t think I am … but maybe I’m fooling myself. I know sometimes I go through periods when I drink too much. I admit I have an issue with emotional eating. I will eat to numb pain, induce emotional coma. I used to completely starve myself to achieve the same result. What’s worse? Eating? Not eating? Yes, I know! I’m still working all that out. But I’m off in the weeds, the point is I like wine paired with food. I really don’t like more than a glass without having some food. I don’t really like getting drunk. And often I will eat a certain food or drink a certain wine just because of the way it pairs. I love the way it tastes! If I could find a non-alcoholic red wine that actually tasted good I would be their best customer, but I haven’t discovered one despite trying more than a few.
I don’t think I’m an alcoholic because I have had almost a full bottle of absenthe in my house for almost a year. I have had a single bottle of brandy on the go since last winter. I buy one or two cases of beer a year, because they last all summer. I have given up wine, like coffee, for weeks at a time during a cleanse or detox. But I love it … and sometimes I drink too much. During the first months of this pandemic I was drinking too much. But I don’t think I was alone. And now, heading into fall, I’m starting to adjust to this reality and the drinking (and eating) is slowing down. I’m getting a handle on things.
And this brings me to why I’ve been thinking about things I can’t go without. I’ve decided to buy a pre-fab house and move closer to my parents and sisters. As I’m looking at plans and deciding what I want and what I can reasonably afford I’m supposed to make a list of my must-haves, the things I will not sacrifice, the things I’m prepared to fight to keep. And what I’ve discovered is that with regards to the house itself, there are no must-haves, it’s all desires and wishes, I’m prepared to sacrifice any part of it that I need to in order to make the whole thing happen. The one thing I cannot live without is my family. As long as I am there, living amongst my family, seeing them regularly, being able to spend time with them every day of the week … that’s my only must-have. Family is my strongest addiction.
Drinking: coffee! of course!
Listening To: 72 Hours, true crime TV show
Hair: messed, greying, short still but getting fluffy