This Friday April 22nd (Earth Day), the moon will be full. After two consecutive nights of wonderful sleep, I thought maybe I would get through this week without the usual insomnia, or even worse too active exhausting dream life. But I forgot about the moon, didn’t realize she would be full again so soon.
I dreamt I was staying in an ex-boyfriend’s mini-home while he was away working. There was an old leather suitcase or trunk set out in the living room that I had been supposed to take care of, perhaps unpack and put away. But I hadn’t done anything while he was gone. I don’t think I had even actually stayed there most of the time like I had promised I would. I saw his son and was told he was coming home soon, so I went to the mini-home to prepare. The place was dirty. Dust bunnies, garbage, dirty dishes, some sort of neglected pet, I think a dog. Oh boy! This would never do! He liked neat and tidy! He swept the floor several times a day!
Just as I was about to spring into action and whip the place into shape, my ex-husband showed up. I hadn’t seen him in years. I never thought I would ever see him again. But there he was! He rolled up into that mini-home like the Tazmanian Devil, swooping me into his arms in a big hug and spinning me around. I was completely shocked. He wanted me to leave and take him to meet my family. I told him I needed to whip this house into shape first and then I could go. But he was excited to keep going and said, “Fuck this house!” exactly like he really would if not in a dream.
But part of me was scared to take it that far, to just leave the house like this. This ex-boyfriend would make my life hell, torture me … he had done it before. And I knew my ex-husband wouldn’t be around forever to protect me. So I felt torn. On the one hand I really wanted to finally do something defiant against my ex-boyfriend and I felt really safe and protected with my ex-husband in order to be able to do that … but on the other hand, it could get really bad for me; the fear ran deep.
I didn’t need to decide. The door flung open and he waltzed in along with my best friend. He snarled Jack Nicholson’s line from The Shining, “Here’s Johnny!” I asked my best friend why she was there and my ex-boyfriend spoke for her, saying they had been hooking up and she was his new girlfriend now. I was beyond shocked! I didn’t think she liked him very much. But she didn’t seem like herself at all. She seemed to be drugged, numb, and I wondered if he had kidnapped her to get her to do this.
But I didn’t have time to ponder it all really because then I saw the look on his face, the way his eyes hardened as he looked around the place and saw the dirt, the garbage, the dust bunnies … and then the leather trunk/ suitcase. I hadn’t noticed before but it was damaged, the top was falling off, laying to one side. He went over to it and the top fell off to the floor. “What happened?!” he roared. “It’s been water damaged!” And he started throwing all the contents out on the floor yelling, “Ruined! Ruined! It’s all ruined!”
Panic and fear rose in my chest … but then I woke up.
It was bizarre to be back in that mini-home in the dream. I haven’t had a dream about that ex-boyfriend in a very long time. He was like he used to be, not like he is now, and sometimes he seemed to morph with my current boyfriend, making him seem a bit more human and not quite so threatening, so that I could believe maybe my best friend would give him a chance voluntarily. The ex-husband has never appeared in a dream quite like this before. I don’t dream of him often any more either, but when he does appear it’s usually a dream based on memories and takes place somewhere on the road in the States. In real life my current boyfriend is preparing to head west again to work. He will get someone to look after his house while he’s gone, but it won’t be me. I live too far away and I don’t drive. But the first time he went, I did the looking after. It was winter and his pipes burst. A lot of stuff got ruined in his basement. Perhaps I blame myself somehow. Maybe that was the little seed that grew this bizarre dream.