balance

I’m Okay … The Blog Rides Again!

It has been exactly two years and one month since I have written anything here. I’ve been writing elsewhere, or more often, not at all.

There are two things I know for sure with regard to my writing or blogging. I don’t write when I’m gloriously super happy (and as you look over the truly prolific archives of this site you can glean I haven’t had a lot of gloriously super happy times in my life since February of 2004 when this whole thing began … and not for a long while before that either, truth be known). But looking back over my writings (not shared here) from the past two years, I can easily see times of glorious super happiness in the blank pages.

I am capable of writing (though only in private forums, for my eyes only) when I am in the deepest darkest pits of depression and chaos, but I also usually don’t. I write the most when I’m okay, nothing more, nothing less, just okay. Inspiration strikes me most for some reason when my life is in a state of mediocrity. Which I guess is kind of bizarre, but there it is.

I’ve been thinking of returning to this blog for a few months now. Off and on I have glimpses of inspiration for what might turn out to be an entertaining post. Like when I watched the entire Twin Peaks series on Netflix for the first time. Boy! Did I have some stuff to say about that!

Or as I was reading Rick Springfield’s or Rob Lowe’s biography. I so appreciated Rick’s raw frankness, even if he was an ass. And I wanted Rob to tell me more, go deeper. I felt like he was skimming over so much that I would have liked to explore.

Buck 65 doing his funky dance moves at Frye Festival in Moncton, April 2012. I had awesome seats!

Or when I went to Frye Festival in Moncton for the first time in years, there was so much fodder for posts from David Gilmour appearing to be a completely self-absorbed arrogant ass (to my utter disappointment, since he was the one author I really looked forward to seeing) to absolutely falling in love with the unexpected creative genius of Buck 65 (whose performance I had thought I would simply endure for an hour, then go to bed early) and finding my soul sister in Rose Cousin’s lyrics and completely unexpectedly my sister from another mother in Linda, the woman who owns the Bed & Breakfast where I stayed.

Or how wonderful it felt to return to Sackville and spend time with my WFNB friends, a former co-worker, and two of the best ladies I will ever have the pleasure to know.

Or how profoundly an episode of The X-Files called “The Field Where I Died” effected me as I watched it on Netflix and how it lingers with me still many weeks later.

Oh, there’s been much to write about. Many many thoughts entering my subconscious and demanding that I do something with them.

For those who may not know I’ve been going through a very rough period. There has been nothing but suckage piled upon suckage for me so far in 2012 and I have every reason to believe that the second half of this year and most of next year will contain only more of the same.

2010 didn’t finish very strongly, meaning 2011 began on a bit of a low, then hit a stride in very early springtime and perked up considerably to the point of a gloriously happy writing silence before finally hitting a brick wall last Fall. And it’s been all downhill since then. Just when you think, that’s it, the bottom, no place to go but up from here … you find yourself plummeting even further.

At this writing I honestly don’t know how deep this hole goes.

And yet, amidst all the crises and turmoil, there are thoughts about completely mundane ordinary everyday things that invade my mind and demand to be written about.

And I consider giving in to their demands …

And then I read this blog post on one of the few blogs that I still read on a regular basis, and I knew that the time had come to take this up again, to return to this place where I used to spend so much time when I was just okay. Because she’s right of course, it’s important.

And perhaps it’s even more important for me to be blogging right now than it ever has been. Because if I’m writing then I’m okay. And being just okay seems like as good a plan as any right now.

So I’m back. Expect nothing spectacular, just random thoughts from a mediocre life.

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8 replies »

  1. Oh to have mundane days again, I often think.

    I’m at the place where there are so many things on my mind I *can’t* write about, I don’t write about anything at all.

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    • Yes, I totally get that, sista! So much I *can’t* write about, which has thrown me into a long empty silence. But I’m forcing myself to find the mundane, the stuff I can write about. Hopefully there will be mundane stuff to find 🙂 Hopefully I’ll stick with it, and while I’m blogging about my mediocre existence maybe all that other crap that I can’t write about or even talk about will work itself out. Fingers crossed 🙂

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  2. Welcome back! Feeling okay is better than feeling sucky, and since we cant experience 2 emotions at once, keep reaching for feeling okay! And lets keep going to the movies to create some laugh out loud better than okay moments!

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    • Go see Madagascar in 3D. Saw it on June 9th. It is one of those life transcending stories put together in such a way that you laugh throughout and find yourself waiting for the next big bang of emotion with a calming sense of wonder. Someday I want to be able to catch that tongue as it sticks out into my face or that floating dandilion fluff that almost lands on your shoulder. 3D movies are so cool and especially if I was to go with Kellie & you Stacy and bring your momma. Let’s put a 3D movie night in place soon….together.
      Luv ya both
      Ms. Freewheelin’

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