balance

The Dristan Hangover

Right now it’s difficult to think of anything worse than the Dristan hangover. Yeah, I know I’ve had way worse alcohol induced hangovers. Yes, I have been more sick with cold and flu. But somehow, right now, in the middle of a sunshiny afternoon with pain around my eyes and a throbbing heavy head that is home to my foggy brain . . . those things pale in comparison. I feel like crap. I think my ear is getting better though. I need to Google some home remedies for the actual sinus infection. Hot sauce helps, in the moment (and I’m having tacos for supper to continue that regime), but I’ve yet to knock it right outta me. And I need this sickness to be gone. Like right now. Please and thanks.

So Happy Sunday! Yay! I have a love/hate relationship with Sunday. I love waking up around 7, rolling over, flicking on the tv and gradually coming to full consciousness to Coronation Street. Having coffee in bed and slowly waking up with Evan Soloman and CBC Sunday Morning. I like turning that part of my brain on that says, “Today is Sunday and you’re allowed to take time to do things just for you and your personal sanity.” So I can stop working and do the laundry, sweep the floor, or I can even go so far as to read a book or watch a dvd and not feel that I’m neglecting my job. (Yeah, I know that’ll seem weird to some people, but I think it goes with working from home . . . you feel like you’re always on, it’s hard to power down.) This is the love part. Then enter Sunday night, a time when I’m usually fairly energized having spent the whole day resting, relaxing, and knocking stuff off the personal list. As soon as my head hits the pillow to go to sleep, my ME DAY relaxing guilt-free self shuts off and my regular OMG I’VE GOT TOO MUCH WORK self kicks in. And I get Sunday Night Anxiety (SNA), whereby I toss and turn and make lists in my head and remember stuff I’m supposed to have done already that I forgot about and try to prioritize and generally work myself up into a tither, barely sleep, and crash headlong into Monday morning completely zapped of energy and creativity, totally cranky and unproductive. Monday is rarely a good day for me.

I haven’t quite figured out how to stop this from happening. I’ve tried cutting things out of my life to make more room for my work so that I can get on top of it, stay on top of it, and thus not be overcome by anxiety. I cut stuff out and even more work stuff, freakishly big projects, manifest to replace the stuff I’ve taken away. I try better organizing my time, using a daytimer, making lists, knocking things off. But the list never ends, it only grows larger. The more I do, the more I have to do. I’ve given up television, renting and/or buying dvds, I’ve cut WAY back on my volunteer and social, I’m getting up consistently earlier (well, except for this week cuz I’m sick) and still staying up pretty late most nights . . . I’ve pretty much stopped cooking meals, stopped reading books, stopped going on trips, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped writing creatively, stopped cleaning my house, just stopped everything and I still have no time. I feel like my job is the only thing in my life and even then I can’t do it all. I’ve got to figure this out. I’ve got to somehow get things into balance. Maybe I need to put some other stuff back in. Cuz this is whacked! Me and Microsoft Word and a few words being painfully extracted like wisdom teeth from my brain everyday all day is not the way I want to live my life.

Yeah, it’s the Dristan hangover talking. I’ll feel better tomorrow. Or when I find a natural sinus cure.

Mood: foggy
Drinking: hot java!
Listening To: buddy upstairs is watching tv
Hair: stringy

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