More Meme. Why not? You could do it too . . .

1) Who was your first crush? (Celebrity or average)

My first celebrity crush was Elvis Presley. I loved him! I remember his movies were on every afternoon. I watched them all. I dreamed about growing up and marrying Elvis. I was devastated the day he died. I remember sitting at the coffee table in the living room eating breakfast when the news came on Canada A.M. It was terrible. I cried. Mom helped me cut the news story from the paper to keep forever. I seem to have misplaced my boxes of things I was supposed to keep forever. But it was still there in the early 1990’s. My first average crush happened in the first grade. Kendall Crawford. Gawd! He was adorable. The cutest little boy, dark hair and eyes, dimples, big smile. Of course, I was the Amazon Woman-child. Really tall. Pudgy. Painfully shy. With that long blonde hair down to my bum. I worshipped him from afar. I remember the day of the Christmas pageant I went into the washroom to change from my everyday clothes into my good blue pantsuit and as I was coming out he was running around the corner and crashed into me. He said he was sorry and then stopped and looked at me and it was like the first time he’d ever seen me and he said I looked really nice. I thought I’d die! He moved away after grade one and I never saw him again, but that little comment sustained me through all of elementary school when I felt very much the ugly duckling.

2) Who do you currently have a crush on now?
Every boy I see! lol Just kidding. Kinda. Hey, there are a lot of fine looking, athletic, well educated young gentlemen roaming around these parts. I’m only human. I don’t have any average life crushes at the moment, tho I’ve got a feeling in my gut. I’ve had it for a couple of weeks now. It could be nothing . . . but I have this nagging feeling of excitement that I’m going to meet someone new soon. Someone substantial. Not just a passing crush. We shall see. My big celebrity crushes are the usual suspects Cillian Murphy, Matt Damon . . . but recently I’ve also gone nuts for Gale Harold and Timothy Olyphant. Yeah, that tall, lean, dark haired thing of my youth resurfaces. Blonde boys might be passe . . . finally!

3) Have you ever become so obsessed with a crush, you went to extreme measures to find out everything about him/her?
Oh god yes! I’ve been insane at times. I mean certifiable. Not recently, mind you, but definitely in my 20’s I was a crazy woman most of the time.

4) Has your crush ever turned out to be your future girlfriend/boyfriend?
Absolutely. I had a crazy crush on Kevin when I moved to Toronto (even from before I moved there, from years earlier when I visited). I was so smitten! And I never dreamed that he’d ever give me more than a passing glance. He was so much older and unavailable and experienced and good looking and just cool. The first kiss was drop dead shocking. The dawning realization that it wasn’t just about sex, that we were having a relationship, equally shocking. I don’t think I ever really believed I deserved him. I think that’s the only one where I clearly had a crush before we got together. Well, except for Ronnie. I was crushing on Ronnie a bit before we got together. The others were all crushing on me before I realized they existed or it was a mutual spontaneous combustion thing. Ronnie and Kevin, hah! I need to stay away from that family!

5) Did a best friend ever turn into more than just a friend?
Ahh, this is complicated . . . kinda? Not really? I dunno. I’ve only had a couple of best friends who were guys and . . . well, it’s complicated. Yes, it seems to always turn into something, but what exactly? I dunno, not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. One guy friend in particular, we had a very up and down explosive sort of friendship/sex thing but never a relationship. We should have had a relationship. We might have been good together. We might have brought out good things in one another. We understood one another. We were both players. He wanted more. By the time I came around to that though, he was gone. Story of my life. Bad timing.

6) In what year did your life change the most?
2000. No doubt about it. I entered an intense period of personal development and change beginning day one of 2000 when I threw up all over the floor in a stranger’s bathroom. That was it for me. I had been slowing down somewhat in the latter part of the year 1999, but New Year’s Day of the new millennium was like hitting the brick wall. I stopped for the first time to ask myself why I was doing this? What did I want? Why wasn’t I doing that instead?

7) Who is the person you most wanted to have a relationship with but didn’t?
Easy. Major crush in the 12th grade. He was only in Grade 10. We were in a play together. I was nuts about him. NUTS! I practically stalked the guy. I took him into my dorm room at the drama festival. I showed up at the Catholic Hall dances I had long since given up in favour of the bar scene. We had some great times, some fun times, lots of good talks. But nothing ever happened. He admitted years later that he was intimidated by me, regretted missed opportunities. But still nothing happened, timing was off. I get weak in the knees every time I see him to this frigging day. It’s insane. He’s married with kids now, though. I believe happily. No more opportunities there . . . though there’s a tiny part of me that thinks maybe one day the timing will be right . . . and there’s another part that thinks it’s so much better this way, never destroying the fantasy I’ve built up in my mind.

8) What is the one thing you have most envied in a sibling?
Their ability to accept responsibility and trust others.

9) What is the best thing you’ve ever gotten for free?
Umm . . . I can’t remember all the things I’ve gotten for free . . . but how about that years worth of movie tickets! That was pretty cool!

10) What was the hardest secret you’ve ever had to keep?
Still keeping it. One person knows. Actually it’s not that hard to keep. Keeping it is way easier than letting it fly. I’m good at secrets. In a way I let it all hang out, but in another way I keep things very close to my chest. My tongue gets looser the further I get from things. Thus I’m able to talk now about things that happened 10 years ago, when nobody knew what was going on at the time.

Mood: hungry
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: Smile, Harry Connick
Hair: blah

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