Comfortably Numb

Yesterday, a winter wonderland. Today, grey, dull, rain, and joints seized in the night. Blah. And the dreams continue. Frustrating as hell, the one looping through all night last night. Road trip. Me, Sherry, Gary, Mom, and the kids. Going someplace near Alma, but not Alma. Part of the frustration for me was that nobody brought a map and I really, really wanted to see one. I like maps. I’m a road map kinda girl. So the absence of one in the dream was as hellish as it would be in real life. I had been to this place before though, a few times, with Stacy. In real life that’d be enough, map be damned! I would know the lay of the land having been there before. But of course in the dream nothing seemed really familiar.

We stopped in a small park just off the side of the highway. To eat. To stretch our legs. To try and figure out where the hell we were going. There was a lake. A red car with four young boys crashed through a guardrail and went into the lake. Seconds of silence and inaction then Sherry called 9-1-1 (they already knew), Anna and Paulina fell into the lake, I went in after them, the boys managed to get their car out of the lake and drunkenly drove away, blood and water gushing out behind them.

We packed the car and continued, but as we started to go onto the highway where the boys in their drowned red car had gone I started to have a panic attack, like something bad was going to happen, like a premonition of an accident. We pulled to the shoulder. I hyperventilated. Finally calmed down and told myself it was just a reaction to seeing the boys’ crash. In real life I never talk myself out of listening to my gut anymore. Not since I saw my dog get struck by a car, in my mind, told myself I was foolish, then watched the scene play out in real life moments later. Maybe I could’ve stopped it, maybe not. But I didn’t even try, dismissed it as being not real. I was 12 years old. And I’ve never ignored or dismissed a feeling since.

But in the dream I calmed down and we continued. We ended up driving through a run-down small down. There were young people on the streets everywhere, drunk, stoned, dirty, with open sores and greasy hair and rotten teeth. Girls scantily clad in group sex situations with boys. They looked high. Dangerous. Hungry. I remembered this place, kind of, but it seemed like it had gotten a lot worse since the last time I’d driven through. We rounded a corner that was supposed to take us out and back to the highway, but instead it dead-ended into a brick wall. No way out.

I won’t go into the whole thing, it’s the typical stuck in a town of freaks horror movie. They steal everything off the car rendering it useless when we get out to ask someone at the local hotel for directions. Gary leaves on foot to go for help because we can’t get our cell phones to work. That sort of thing.

All night this went on! This paired with my flaming arthritis du jour, makes for a very sleepy and kinda cranky kel. Oh well. Lots to do. Leaving for the chi tomorrow.

Mood: yawn
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: Do It, Nelly Furtado
Hair: something in the works maybe

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