Too Little Too Late

As expected when one has a terrible bout of Sunday Night Anxiety, I slept late. You can’t get up at 8 when you’re still awake from the day before at 6 am. Well you can I suppose, but I don’t know how productive your day would be without speed.

I dreamed about an ex-boyfriend. All the exes have been making the rounds in my dreams as of late. When I dream about one guy I always wake up sad, longing to go back into the dream. Basically these dreams are my subconscious telling me that I want a relationship, I’m ready for love. And then I dream about this other guy, the one from last night, and it’s like a warning. Tread carefully and carry a big stick lest you fall prey into the beastie’s lair again. And it’s like, dammit! What the hell?!

I used to be all about the experience. Good or bad. And usually the scarier the better. I wanted to experience everything, every emotion, every situation. I took risks. And now I can’t even put myself out there to myself in my own dreams without the subconscious kicking in with a little “too close to the edge” warning. Fuck! I’ve been over the edge and down the other side and clawed my way back to the top again, I shouldn’t be afraid to stand two paces from the ledge and at least peer over. I shouldn’t be afraid of heights! I shouldn’t be afraid of anything. Consciously, when I’m awake, I know this. I know I can handle whatever comes my way and not fall apart. I just need to convince my subconscious.

Yeah, I’m a little sleep deprived.

Mood: tired and cranky
Drinking: cold coffee
Listening To: How Do I Get It Right, Sass Jordan
Hair: not even going there today

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