About seven years ago I was doing every sort of meditation, self-hypnotic, witchy, spiritual, self-help type exercise I could get my hands on to fix my screwed up self. Nothing was too out there, nothing was out of bounds. At some point during my quest for inner peace and meaning in my life, after doing an exercise where answers were supposed to appear in your dreams, I started dreaming about this guy — mid 30’ish, tall, lean, dark skin tone, wavy black hair hanging below his shoulders, mustache, brown eyes, light coloured shirt wore out loose over faded jeans, cuffs rolled halfway up his forearm — he worked with his hands, a mechanic or carpenter maybe, but had an artistic side too, painted or did pottery. Maybe he was a potter. I never quite figured out all those details, but he did own a house and a half-ton truck. And he worked from home in the garage or a studio converted from the garage.
He was the most sensuous creature I ever never really met, slinky, an aura of passion, a deep thinker . . . I could hardly breath from the sexyness of him . . . and he was my boyfriend/lover/partner/husband whatever, we were connected, living together at this house. In the dream I was going to school, taking classes, part-time maybe, university or community college. I dreamed about him everynight for weeks. The dreams were normal everyday living type dreams, just me and him and this house co-habitating and working and studying and cooking and cleaning and laughing and being best friends and loving each other. There were hugs and kisses. The dreams were about love, trust, happiness, peace and feeling whole, all things lacking in my real life at the time. It was like I was living this other life at night when I went to sleep.
It was weird because he was a recurring character, weirder still that he was completely made-up, I’d never met this person anywhere before. And normally people I know play all the parts in my dreams. Usually an ex or a celebrity guest star is cast in the role of sidekick. It may not have been the first time a complete stranger came into my dreams and made himself comfortable, but it was certainly the first time I remembered every detail about the stranger and welcomed him back night after night. But after a couple of weeks he stopped showing up in my dreams and I missed him for a little while but then basically forgot about him.
The past two nights this guy’s been showing up in my dreams again. The situation is a little weird. I don’t know this guy, I’ve never met him anywhere outside of my head. I haven’t done any searching for answers dream inducement exercises. I’m the most content I’ve ever been in my adult life, the most at peace, the most together. And here he is again, seven years later, but he’s changed. Like me, he’s gotten older, a few wrinkles starting to show around his eyes, 40’ish now, filled out, broader chest, bigger arms, rounder butt, thicker thighs, I think he’s been working out, black hair with a hint grey, cut shorter now but not balding, still full, clean-shaven . . . wearing black leather pants, jacket, boots, because he rides a motorcycle. In the dreams I have my own motorcylcle that I ride (I always said if I ever got any licence to drive it would be for a bike) and we’re going places, day trips and longer trips on these motorcycles, a cottage we own on a lake, just me and him living our lives like we’ve been together all this time.
It’s pretty freaking bizarre. I mean REAL people don’t even age in my dreams! Even Gary still appears to be in his late teens/early 20’s when he shows up in dreams with Sherry and kids, from the days when we hung out all the time and thoughts of him marrying my sister would have been a hoot. So for this completely invented in my head guy to be growing older and staying with me . . . kinda blows my mind. I don’t know what it’s all about . . . and I wonder if he’ll show up again when I next sleep.
Lots of stuff on the go today. Have to pick up a parcel at Sears. Yes, I know I said I’d spend less . . . but there’s this jacket I’ve had my eye on for months. I wanted to buy it when it was $89.99. I was really tempted when it was $69.99. I almost had to chop my fingers off not to order it when it dropped to $54.99 . . . and stayed there for weeks. But when it went clearance in the Boxing Day sales at $34.99, I mean, there’s only so much a girl can stand. Think I’ll treat myself to a coffee at the cafe while I’m out, spend some time reading or writing or just studying people. I NEVER do that! And it’s like my favourite thing to do. Then I’m going to head out to Home Hardware maybe, see about getting an iron, hit the liquor store for some wine and maybe some Jack Daniels, then check the Co-Op for chicken wings. It’s looking like a semi-sunshiny sorta day here, mild temperatures, it’s gonna be a great day!
Listening To: Free For All, Ted Nugent
Hair: damp and drying natural