Another SNA Epidsode

Sunday Night Anxiety, again. Can’t sleep. Went to bed. Rolled around for two hours. Listened to the boy on the other side of the wall mumble in his sleep for awhile. Said fuck it and got up. *SIGH* Why do I do this? There’s no need for it. I could just as easily be this anxious any night of the week, nothing has changed from last night or the night before that. Nothing will be any different tomorrow night. I’ll still have too much crap to do, too much stuff in my head, too many projects on the go . . . the only thing different will be that I’ll be sleeping like a baby. There’s no logical explanation for any of it.

Thinking I should dye my hair red before I cut it in a few weeks time. I’ve been seeing lots of long red hair and really liking it. I remember the first time I went red. It was Toronto and not a permanent colour. It was a very dark though bright brick red. I went out clubbing with MB and we ended up staying over at one of her friend’s apartment. The colour was new and rather shocking to anyone who knew me, a dramatic change, but these guys didn’t know me. They thought I was a redhead, kept remarking about it. One guy was totally turned on by my hair, loved redheads in general, followed me around in particular. We kept telling him it wasn’t real, it was going to wash out, but he wouldn’t believe me. They had bets on it. I had to wash my hair several times to demonstrate. Funny, the things you remember.

I’ve got some blonde in a bottle here already, was going to touch up my roots before wine weekend with trish . . . now i’m thinking maybe i should go get some red . . . paint the town red, is that the saying? It is official though, I’m going short by the end of November. Got Mom making an appointment for me for when I’m home for the next workshop. Going to the doctor then too. Would throw in a dental visit while i’m at it, but he’s only in on Tuesdays and that does not work for me.

My sore throat candies numb the inside of my mouth . . . interesting, but a little scary. If I had any brains I’d go to emergency and get antibiotics, because i could be mighty sick by the time I roll into blackville again . . . but i’m still hopeful i can hold off. I’ve got my sinus meds, non-drowsy for daytime, sleepytime for night (though i can’t take those ones at all because they knock me out for 16 hours at a time and make me stupid for a good 12 hours after i do get up), got my sore throat drops, got my tissues and water and cognac and wine and even a little diet pepsi . . . just in case the urge strikes. Got green leafy stuff for vitamins and hot sauce to burn the sickness out of me . . . even bought thai microwave dinners to be entirely certain that I do eat everyday this week regardless of how yucky i might be feeling. I’ve even got 12-grain bread for godsake! And I never have bread. I haven’t actually eaten any of the bread yet . . . but it’s here, just in case, if worse comes to worse I will have toast and tea . . . and if I’m having toast and tea, THEN i will go to the hospital and get the antibiotics.

At the drugstore I could barely squeeze into the cold and flu med aisle. It was filled with students, coughing and wheezing and sneezing and generally not looking very well at all, complaining about how they never get sick, can’t believe they’re sick, no time for being sick . . . they so did not know which stuff to buy . . . Nyquil is lovely stuff, but you do not want to be sucking back any of that and thinking you can write a five thousand word essay. No way that’s happening!

Okay, end of SNA rant. I’m going back to the bed to see if sleep will come now.

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